Health & Support

I've had two appointments with my doctor.  The first, end of September/beginning of October, I was 103.  We agreed I needed to gain then, but I never told her about the ED.  I'm sure she could tell, though.


Went there a few days ago; 98 pounds now.  I was trying to gain for a little bit after that first appointment but I've been having some trouble.

I'm scared.  She's making me see a nutritionist in Akron (a city about an hour from me).  I'm not objecting; I do need some help.

They're scheduling me with an eating disorder nutritionist.  I still haven't admitted to the ED, but I don't know.

My mom works at the family doctor where I go, and so my mom and my doctor are friends and have discussed the situation.

I'm scared; I've told a few of my friends but not an adult.

I don't know why I'm posting this, really, but I know that this is the best.  My heart rate is 40 when I'm resting; it needs to be 60.  My blood count levels are below someone with leukemia, so my doctor explained to me.

I've nearly passed out a few times in school...my legs look sick...

I don't know. 

I'm just scared.  But I want to get over this, and I don't know if I can on my own.  and I don't want it to get to the point where I have to be hospitalized or something, and I'll have to be taken away from school and my friends...

You already sound like you need to be hospitalised - and I don't mean that in a harsh way, but from your past posts on relapse, and from the details on your health you just gave, this is something you're clearly really stressing and struggling with alone and you don't deserve that.

Going to hospital and to inpatient is nothing shameful and sometimes the best route. Think. Would you rather go to hospital for however long to help you recover and get your life back, or would you prefer to struggle, try miserably to fight more or less completely alone, and put yourself at risk of never living again? That'd take you further from your school and your friends than a few weeks or months in hospital could. Think about it.

Yeah I know...

but I can't even miss a day of school, let alone a week or two.

I guess my biggest issue is that I don't know how to eat anymore.  I don't know what is too much or what is too little.  I didn't pay attention to what I ate pre-ED so I have no idea.

I think this nutritionist can help give me a clearer perspective...

But I just want to say thank you, Lala, really.  You've actually helped me a lot.  And although I still have yet to even START recovering, you've helped me realize that I need to, with your consistent posts.  Even though I have weird mood swings in the other forums sometimes...

...I dunno.  Just letting you know that you've really helped me.

You're more than welcome. [: And don't worry about mood swings, everyone gets them recovering, fighting or not. I know I've been a right snappy PITA myself, lately!

The fact that you're not even sure how to eat is even more of an indication that you ought to seek help in hospitalisation. They'll set you on a schedule that will help regulate your eating and essentially "reteach" you.

Honestly, though. You can retake lessons. You can't give yourself another body, or another life.

"Hospitalization for a deadly illness" is more than enough of an excuse for anyone to overlook any amount of time out of school, I might add...

Do what your doctor and parents advise.

If you needed to be put into an inpatient treatment program immediately as lala said, you would be. As in you would be told that you had to go. No one on the board can look at your mental and physical help and prescribe the proper course of action. Inpatient programs can sometimes be really really hard-I know, my friend went into one and relapsed just as soon as she was out. Being away from her friends and family was really hard on her, and she was forced to gain weight a pace she couldnt get comfortable with. But what is best for you will best be determined by you, your doctor, and your family.

What we can do is tell you that its good that you do recognize that you want and do need some help. And you dont need to do it alone-thats what you have family and friends, and a nutritionist and doctors for...and even us here! Everyone wants you to be healthy and happy-you just have to decide that you want that too, even though sometimes you might hate it and have a really hard time accepting all that comes with getting to that goal. :)