Health & Support

I wouldnt consider myself a competitive person.

But over the last year living with my best friend. My self esteem has gotten so low.

Were actually both quiet slim. and i thought id be happy with that. and now im continually comparing myself to her. Its driving me crazy!

We have very different body shapes... shes petite at the top and larger to the bottom.. youre average pear shape. were as im a more athletic build... fairly proportioned but larger shoulders and no waist. 

Was wondering if anyone else had housemates or friends like this?

For the past year.. weve both been gluten free vegans.. but lately ive decided this isnt for me... and have started eating eggs and fish. Its terrifying!! im so scared of protein... even tho i know i was eating sooooo many carbs before. im just scared of breaking out of our routine... and me putting on weight. 

its all a bit messy... thought someone might like to offer a point of veiw. 

thanks.

just reflect on the whole situation and your relationship to it, to her, to protien, etc. sometimes life goes so fast and i get so caught up, i realized i just need to take time out and reflect and ask myself "WHY did I just do that??" the smallest thing, for you it may be like,  'why am i afraid of protein" "where does this fear come from" and confront yourself.. you must understand it is you here on this planet, and only you can take care of yourself. if you decide not to, and decide to ignore your basic needs, everything else that lays on a higher plane that you love, and care about will fall out of your grasp...."follow your bliss"

thankyou. I know thats how i should live.. and i do aim for it. but a week passes.. and i dont know what ive done, or the decisions ive made. I feel in a rut... with no way to escape it. 6 months ago i joined a gym.. and it was the best decision i have made.. it gives me my own space ( where as hers is the pub) and i can feel good and positive afterwards. 

Living vegan was easy. Because it was what she did.. we did it together. But since ive decided i eat too many carbs.. and also working out .. i needed more protein... its been a massive life change. and im not sure if im totally ready for it. its very hard to break from a cycle that youve known for a long time, and found very comforting..but at the same time, its something i really do want to do. 

thankyou for your lovely words. x

I have a tendency to compare myself with others as well.  But if you think about it, you live life for yourself not others. Everyone is unique and individual and we all have our pros and cons; there's no use dwelling on these meaningless comparisons. It's your life; live it for yourself.

That said, there are many ways to remain vegan and still get adequate protein. Tofu and beans, for example, are great vegan sources of protein. There's no reason to make the transition of adding more protein to your diet any more difficult than it has to be.

My flatmate was a tall 18-year-old dancer. I was a petite 23-year-old philosopher. She lived on junk food, instant noodles and microwaved frozen sausage rolls, and had the most gorgeous figure. I lived on fruit, lentils and brown rice and put on weight. Well, to be fair it was probably more the wine and chocolate cake than the lentils. Still, it was frustrating.

A couple of things stopped me comparing myself to her. Firstly, when I realised how much weight I'd put on I bought a scale and started dieting. She got worried about me obsessing about it, and I realised she was not comparing herself to me, she was just concerned for my health and happiness. Secondly, she started complaining about how her bad diet was making her sluggish. At least I knew I was healthy. Thirdly, when my boyfriend visited, he didn't give her a second glance - he only had eyes for me. People are just attracted to different shapes. Plenty of guys prefer an athletic shape.

In the end, it comes down to confidence about your own value. That's a lot easier to achieve if you work on doing things that you're good at, rather than just working on the physical. Gym is good - but let your goals be things like getting stronger, running further/faster; things that are more about skill than aesthetics. Taking pride in your studies also helps. My flatmate was not the smartest, and although I wouldn't wish her to do badly, I knew that there were things I was good at that she was not.

Thanks for much everyone for the great advice. Its nice to know that im not the only one having to deal with this. Im feeling much better today. Yesterday i had such a bummer of a day... and just cried all day. Because every dress i saw, i knew would look better on her :( But she took me out last night... we ate naughty food together and drank.. and we talked about things... not in a serious way.. but in a way that i could tell her how much she affects me.  and you know what... she says she does exactly the same thing about me. Shes jelous because i can get myself to the gym and she can only get herself to the pub.. and shes jealous of my legs.. and so forth. and it really put it in perspective.  My gym also had some very inspiring stuff around..about living life for you. and thats what im going to do. Realise that this life is for me.. and not her. Shes my friend, and not my competition. thanks guys!! x

It's tempting to compare what you think are your weaknesses with others' strengths.... and forget your strengths.   Appearance is such a shallow, transitory thing at the best of times that it's vital to find other, more long-lasting things to feel proud of.  Build your confidence in ways that don't involve tape measures and bathroom scales.   Work on your personality, intellect, acheivements .... Those are attributes that will be with you long after you've stopped being young and beautiful.