Health & Support

Just wondering what some of your thoughts are on this. With all the pressure out there to look a certain way and have a perfect body, do you think it is possible to accept yourself and love yourself when what you see in the mirror is less than perfect?

I loved myself a lot more when I was younger and nowhere near as slim as I am now. I was a very confident, smart, happy, sexobsessed, enthusiastic 20 year old, and yeah I was nowhere near skinny. Now I'm a bit older and a lot more self-critical, which is due to a lot of things (life can knock you a bit) that aren't weight-related. I think you ask the question the wrong way round. Though I am happy with my size now and think I look better than I did when I was younger (I'm still nowhere near "skinny" nor would I want to be, I'm a nice kind of 22-23 BMI though), because I am a more self-critical person I have far more days when I feel unattractive.

I think many skinny people are far less happy than people whose measure of themselves is how much they can learn, find, do, help out their mates, have fun. If skinniness is their main objective and way of finding happiness, how could they be happy? It's such a superficial reason for getting up in the morning....

It's really hard with pressure from family, the media, friends (especially guy friends).  Even though I have a pretty supportive ciricle now, there are messages that are stuck in my head from years of hearing them.

When I was a freshman in college I was hanging out with my new guy friends in the dorm.  I was pretty insecure and definitely not skinny.  One of the guys said, "The girl should always be smaller than the guy in a relationship.  If she's not, it's time to drop her fat a--."  And then everyone laughed.  Ugh, that totally sticks with me to this day. 

Anyway, I think if we make an effort to correct our critical thoughts in our heads, to boycott the magazines and TV shows that always show beautiful, skinny women as happy and successful, and to strive for healthy living, we can love ourselves without being skinny. 

Easier said than done, I know.

Its definitely possible! A person just needs to look inside themselves and be happy with who they are. And that's not saying that all fat people are ugly - I've seen some women with a little extra weight that are very beautiful! It all comes down to this, I think: If you don't love who you are inside already, being skinny will never make you happy. Because then you'll just find some other aspect of yourself to be disappointed in (your hair frizzes, you have a vein that sticks out in your hand, wide ankles, whatever).

We are all less then perfect.  Our bodies are all unique in certain ways, I've read articles in magazines that have really fit women on there complain about areas on their own bodies.  Somewhere along the lines we've been told that we will never be good enough.  So learning to love your body can take time and a lot of re-learning.  After hearing what we should look like it makes it easy to fall into those thoughts and cling on to any negative comments we hear about us or people around us.  It's really kind of funny how easily I can toss any positive comments out of my mind and hold on to the negative ones. 

I think its good to surround yourself with supportive people who don't criticize you or make you feel less of yourself.  And learning to love yourself can take time.  We need to ignore all of the crazy expectations and focus on ourselves and what we want and not what the media wants.  People can be stick-thin and nowhere near healthy.  So keep thinking about your health.  Focusing on your own health can be as simple as taking care of yourself by keeping up your hygiene, pampering yourself every so often (baths, getting nails done, hair done, etc), taking time to relax, being active, and so on.  Each small step forward is a big leap towards health.

I second what bairn mentioned above. I used to be far more happier in high school when I (surprisingly) had no body issues. I was about 15lbs heavier then and far from skinny, but I couldn't have been happier with life. I would say that I am a late bloomer in terms of mental and physical development, and it was only in college that I experienced all the problems that the average teenager faces. I am on the lower end of my BMI spectrum (about 18.5), but about 95% of the time, I am unhappy with the way I look. I am way more self-critical, and I definitely see the connection with my level of happiness and the way in which I measure that happiness. In high school, I used to base my happiness on achievements, relationships, and inner growth, whereas now, it is superficially based on the number on the scale, how loose my clothes are, and what I see in the mirror. Basing my happiness on the latter will never bring me true, substantial happiness. I know that, but somehow, I have gotten sucked into this, and I am suffering the consequences. I am working so hard to be grounded like I was before, and it won't be an easy process. But it will definitely be worth it in the long run. I have faith that this can be achieved for me and for you. We just need to take a step back once in a while, and really take a deep look inside and ask ourselves what is truly important in life. In the grand scheme of things, our lives here on earth is so short-lived, so why not make the most of it? If we are less self-absorbed and more focused on others, I think this goal will be attainable. Good luck to us all. :)

I am really petite and tiny & skinny. I am not happy as far as my body goes. I don't look like the woman in the media for sure......in fact I kind of look like a child being so tiny. I have small breasts which I hate and I just feel too little. I am married and my husband is great but I still want to feel attractive. I don't care what look is "in" as far as women are concerned. Men like all different kinds of body types and I don't think the stick thin look is on the top of the list. Being skinny is not JUST want the media focuses on......you also need big breasts, a nice round firm cute butt, great skin & hair, a nice toned balance of muscle vs. fat. It is crazy and nearly impossible for a lot of us women to have it all especially the older we get. I would say try to just be grateful for the wonderful features you do have, everyone has some wonderful features about them....I know I am always working on this. It is going to be hard and getting harder for women to love themselves no matter what they look like because of the media.....and I think it is going to get worse because their is so much money to be made in the beauty, diet, plastic surgery industry at the expense of making woman and even little girls now feel they don't look good enough. Men are being brainwashed to expect such a high standard of woman in real life from the media also which makes it harder for the average non-celebrity/model woman to fulfill their attraction.

of course you can be truly happy with yourself if you are not stick thin. stick thin isn't even healthy so you would actually be more likely to be unhappy being stick thin than you would being at a healthy weight just because your body and mind would be in sinc.

its all about where your focus in life is. basicaly everyone has control of there own mind. if you are not happy with oneself than its your own fault. you can blame the media or a disfunctional parent, but the thing is everyone has to overcome there own obsticals in life to achieve happiness within themselves.

If its only what I see in the mirror that I disagree with, meaning I'm a caring, positive, suportive and honest person... Yes, I can accept and love myself. 

If I were not the other non-physical things... I would have a much hard time accepting myself.  I, along with many on cc, want to lose a bit of weight... however no one will ever be perfect-- and thats not a bad thing.  Variety is the spice of life... and attaining a healthier weight (whether losing some or gaining some) will help keep your life a longer less complicated medically one.

Look to be the best you can in all you do and self acceptance and love will follow.

btw--good question ;)

Stop looking in the mirror and look inside yourself. Are you a good person?

I agree with Barnaby115 and petitechick--but have this to add. I am 47 and heavier than I want to be. I teach yoga and spin and am stronger, healthier, and more flexible than almost everyone in my classes--including the 20 something 5'5" perfect size 2. They LOOK UP to me! I am working to lose the weight I gained when I hit menopause (at the "old" age of 42) and am finally turning things around. I know my husband would like my old body back (as would I!) when we met and I was a size 2 at 108 lbs. But he loves me the way I am. I am confident and love myself. I am charitable and a good person. I am not going to brag and LIST every wonderful quality... but, I feel good about ME! Do I want to improve? Of course! I also want to speak fluent German, French, Spanish, and Chinese! I think that everyone should want to continually improve everything about themselves (in a healthy way!). My dad is 91 lives on his own and still drives and started yoga last year to improve his balance. He is also learning to cook some new recipes that are healthier (I am not sure how many years he is looking to add to his life--my guess is 10 or 20!) My point is that you can be happy with your body and life AND still want to improve and grow and learn. I think that is what keeps us interesting and engaged in life!

I have a client who developed parkinson's in her early 40's. She used to be physically beautiful (and beautiful on the inside too!). At 53, she is pretty much bed-ridden, weak, can barely say a word or two, has a pee-bag...you get the picture? It is SO sad! Her family and husband LOVE her so much! If their love could bring her back to her old self, she would be running across the yard! Do you think they would give a s--- if she were 10-20 pounds overweight? 100 pounds overweight?   

Eventually, we all hope to grow old. When we are 100 years old, what do we want people to remember about us? That we were a "perfect" size 2 or that we were there for them? Are we going to be 100 saying, "nope, can't eat dessert, want to fit into my skinny jeans!" God, I hope not!

One last rant.... when my son was in high school he was on the wrestling team and I was the "team mom". I arranged all of the snacks, organized the volunteers for the snack bar during the meets, etc. One time I was really short on volunteers and asked one mom for 1 hour of her time on a Saturday morning between 7am and 4 pm. She said, "Sorry, Saturdays are my time. I am a single mom and go to the gym and workout." (I was a single mom too.) She missed many of her sons meets and NEVER lifted a finger for anything her kids were involved in (not just wrestling. I realize we all have to pick and choose what we can give our time to) Anyway, one month before graduation, her son drove his motorcycle into a street sign and died on impact. I felt sad for the woman, not just because she lost her son, but that she had so few memories of doing things with him! By the way, she was a "perfect size 2"!

yes definitely. I think you can be happy with yourself at any size, weight age etc.  besides it is very shallow people that would look at someone for only the aforementioned attributes.  If you love yourself, you will radiate warmth and happiness and then others see what a wonderful confident person you are and love you too.  only very shallow people see only what is on the cover of the book. I myself do not want to surround myself with shallow people such as that.

carolann. what you said really hit home. I had just gotten off of the phone confessing to my sister about my eating disorder, and me telling her how "i just want to be skinny". But at what cost? My health? My life? And after praying to God, I read your post, and it really hit home for me. Whenever I get side-tracked, I'll keep your story in mind.

Absolutely! When I was in freshman in high school I weighed 115 (at 5'2") and I thought I was a cow. Then when I was a senior I weighed 140 and thought I was going to die. I am now 22 and 156 lbs (down from 165), and I love myself now more than I have ever (loved myself at 165 too)! I only wanted to start losing the weight since I didn't physically feel healthy, but I haven't stopped loving myself. I think I actually have an easier time losing the weight now that I have finally stopped hating myself for stupid things like my weight. There are more things to life than body size (granted, there's super unhealthy which is serious, a good doctor will tell you when you've reached that. They typically are pretty good at giving you healthy solutions to fix it too).

I am 5’5 , 110 - 113 lbs with a BMI of 18.5 - 19 at the highest. I am 21 years old personal trainer.

When I was a teen, I did not know anything about food, I abused my body with unhealthy food and ate a lot when I was not even hungry, I did not consider exercise a priority and I did not look after my body.

I always dreamed of how great it would feel to look thinner, I would wear INSANLY high shoes and NEVER flat shoes to make myself look thinner

I started to lose weight the healthy way, but I did not stop and became anorexic.

Yes, I was very thin, but I STILL was not looking after my body!

At either end, I was not happy with my body when I was OVER my natural weight, and I was not happy when my body as UNDER its natural weight because I was not SUPPORTING or LOOKING AFTER my body with the right food and nutrition!

I have become happy with my body through giving it what it needs - I think that if you look after your body and treat it well, and change desire of attaining an IMAGE, into the desire to get your body to work at its best, ONLY THEN will you learn to appreciate your body and how good it can make you feel!

Now, if I ONLY focus on my IMAGE then no, I DO NOT always feel happy with how thin I am even though I am very slim!

I ONLY feel good about my body if the focus is NOT ALL ABOUT WEIGHT, and I focus on having the HEALTHIEST body I can have!

From experience, people tend to feel happier about their weight when they look after their bodies

So, even a thin person like me does not feel good about my weight if it is ALL I think about! If you place all your value on your weight, then you will ALWAYS feel disappointed because there will ALWAYS be some one who you think looks thinner/better then you!

I think if we can't learn to love ourselves at any weight for not what we look like, but who we are, than we are all doomed.

Honestly. Weight doesn't define who you are, what you've done. It doesn't determine if you are a good or bad person, what you deserve or what you don't. It's just a number. Just a freaking number. And if we let a number stop us from being happy in our lives and with ourselves then we are all in for miserable lives.

I need to believe that it's possible to love yourself without being skinny. 

I love myself both heavy and thin. I am having some health and energy level problems though that are concerning me, not only that, diabetes runs in my family. I know that I'm not eating healthy and I could exercise more. I think eating healthy and exercising could also be a part of loving yourself. As far as attractiveness goes, I think I look good heavier and also thin, but I think I look my best somewhere between the two extremes that I yo yo between. I think it's a matter of me learning more about how my body works and how to steer the ship of ME.

Someone told my husband the other day, WOW your wife really has lost a lot of weight. She looks great. WELL, actually I gained more than I ever have in my life, and I just colored and styled my hair better, and found some clothes that were a little more flattering for my body style instead of hiding my body with tent-like clothes. It really made me feel good when my husband told me what he said about me !

Unfortunately no. Everyday I come home and look in the mirror and practically cry to myself.. :\

Happiness should not be determined by a number, a weight, a measurement or what is "fat" and what is "thin". Accept yourself for all your lumps and bumps or even lack there-of, sometimes. Your weight should be a matter in measuring health, not happiness. If you're obese or overweight, then you can aim to get to a healthy range, and take yourself out of the danger zone. If you're underweight or verging on it, you should probably look to gain to avoid all the perils of being underweight. But never, ever, should you be having to look in the mirror and think, "My outside appearance makes me who I am."

Learn to love yourself for everything you've got. Outside, and in, no matter what. Because you can always rely on yourself to do that, even if you believe that no one else might. Forget the media. Forget "perfect", because "perfect" is unobtainable. Most of those images you see out there are airbrushed to a distortion of what is true beauty. Take a look at this video, and you'll see one example of what I mean. It's a fairly famous short by Dove, regarding how easily something can be manipulated. Evolution

At the end of the day, the first person you have is you. So treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve, no matter what.

Being skinny does not make you happy.  You need to make you happy by being kind and doing good things for yourself and others.  What makes me happy is spending time with family and friends and NOT thinking about whether or not I'm skinny.

Everyone searches for the thing to make them truly happy. Though being fit does make you feel really good, it is not happiness itself.  That comes from within and only you hold the key.  Some are discontent their whole lives and at the end they wished they would have spent their time here being happier and enjoying the moments more.  A gorgeous woman can marry the wrong man and be miserable. A less beautiful woman can marry a man and be the luckiest woman in the world.  Either way, she has children and is destined to clean up after people for the rest of her life.  The thinner one will just look prettier as she cleans up.